Born Difficult.

This world has two types of difficult people. Ones who are difficult because there is some manipulative or egocentric gain in being so and the ones who are born difficult. The ramblings that you shall read from here-on are the about the ones who are born difficult.

These are the ones who as babies couldn’t be easily convinced that mashed food is the best. These are the ones who in school who would argue that questions asking you to “answer in brief” should have a specific word count, as “brief” is a matter of individual perception. These are the ones who as teenagers answered “yes or no” questions with a “why”. These are the ones who as grown-ups responded to tasks with “who decided that I should do it” or “why should I”. I am one of these.

Many people would argue that nobody can be born difficult. People just act difficult to gain attention or get their agenda approved. This while true, is not a blanket theory that covers all. If yen & yang are to be believed, if fire & water are to be understood, if opposites like Hitler & Gandhi have existed through history then there is a possibility of being born simple and being born difficult. Simple people are nice, sweet and interesting, difficult people are also nice, sweet & interesting, but not always. Maybe because it’s inherent in their nature to be difficult, to not understand the simplicities or as popularly put, ‘to complicate things’.

And a “difficult” person doesn’t choose to be difficult, it’s just that he or she is wired that way. Yes there is an focussed intention to be difficult to not get the other person’s point, to question every motive or to complicate issues. But these intentions aren’t generated in the moment, they are inborn. If you are born blind then you intentionally can’t see a painting made by your better half but you wouldn’t be blamed for choosing to not see it. Rather you will be encouraged to feel it or sense it. But a difficult person never gets these leeways, which is a tad bit unfair.

Unfair because a sizeable chunk of our frustrations is around the fact that we can’t be simple. We can’t simply look at the glass as half-full or half-empty. We can’t simply answer a question or abide by what’s told to us. Also the fact that the world is out to solve our ‘problem’ gets to us. If a difficult person’s problem could have been solved by simple means, then they would have done it themselves. Why live a miserable life of complexities, waiting for someone to come around and simplify it, rather than doing it themselves?

Also from the perspective of a difficult human, things don’t necessarily start with the difficult quotient right from the word go. There are always add ons that escalate minor things into a showdown. For example, first you are driving your girlfriend to the mall on a Sunday morning even when you didn’t want to get out of the house. Then halfway to the mall, she realises she has forgotten her ATM card so you drive back. This time round when you head to the mall, you have to make a diversion to pick her friend up. Then her friends wants to go to the spa before going to the mall. Now if you were a simple person, you would be like, “yay what fun! I wanna get a foot massage”. But if you are someone like me, your brain would cycling through the atomic clouds of Hiroshima & Nagasaki.

So in effect, you start at the ‘beginner’ level one and before you know it you are on ‘beat them like a pro’ difficulty level. But still the argument would be, “there is no need to be mean, okay!”. True there isn’t, but again difficult people aren’t programmed that way! That would nullify the difficult quotient, wont it? Thinking that someone is mean because he/she can be mean and get away it, is not the reason difficult people are mean most of the time. They are mean maybe because no other way works for them and nobody gets why things bother them.

When faced with the question of, “Why are you being so difficult?”, many experienced difficult ones like me go with brazen and offending, “Yeah I am! Deal with it!?”. And here in lies the truth of our nature and our struggle, the struggle of the difficult kind. While it does seem like an arrogant statement to the opposition, in reality it’s some kind of self acceptance. Because once you accept the bitter pill of not being  ‘a simple and uncomplicated’  type of person, you realise there very little you can do, other that show arrogance by pronouncing acceptance or giving up the fight.

For many it maybe ridiculous, demeaning and offensive to put up with a difficult person. But to understand him or her you have to first understand this, his/her life is full of unanswered questions that no-one, not even they themselves have answers to. And to add to this misery, there is a constant feeling of why don’t people so close to me, people who say they care for me, can’t understand my point of view.

Being a born difficult human myself, I’ve realised it’s pointless to argue the merit of why I am the way I am. But to be fair to those around me, I do try my best to provide them with uncomplicated moments from my end whenever possible. Since it takes a lot of hard work for me to quell the questions of my mind and stop the flow arrogance in my tone, it’s hard to do it on a regular basis. But whenever I can do it, I do it. Maybe because I’ve realised that while its difficult for me to be happy and uncomplicated, it’s not so difficult to make simple people happy.

The truly difficult may not find joy from within, but shall find it in the faces of those whose difficulties he shall simplify.

sage-ing out

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